WWFB: Clandestino Edition
The scene: Lisbon, Portugal. You’re on a food tour in the Mouraria neighborhood. When your guide gestures nonchalantly at the building you’re walking past on the way up a billion steps through a maze of ancient streets and says, “See those red paper lanterns hanging from the ceiling through the window on the third floor?” (Not really, but it’s really hot out and we trust you!) “That’s a signal it’s an underground Chinese restaurant.”
Wait, a what now? “Keep your eyes open for them around the city,” he said. “They serve the best Chinese food you’ll find here in Lisbon. It just happens that they’re not licensed, and they’re in someone’s apartment. They’re called ‘clandestinos.’ Sounds a little sketchy but there’s like *hardly ever* a case of food poisoning, and the police pretty much leave them alone, except to eat there…”
Well that settles it: Illicit dinner plans decided!
We managed to find our way back to this unassuming apartment building at dusk. We rang the buzzer for 3E, which we hoped was the clandestino. Our other choice was the buzzer labeled 3D, which surely led to a perennially annoyed neighbor. Or vice versa.
Really, we had a 50/50 chance of annoying someone, and when a man who spoke only Portuguese and Chinese leaned over the balcony and started gesticulating in a manner suggesting either “Oh Jeezus! More tourists! Well, if you’re here to eat, get your asses up here!” or “Oh Jeezus! More tourists! You pressed the wrong buzzer, AGAIN!” we realized we had succeeded spectacularly. So we smiled and waved up at the man until we heard the door click open. Huzzah! Third floor here we come!
We were escorted into the tiny front room where one couple sat at a table by the window. We sat at the next table and were treated not just to a fantastic meal but THE BEST EAVESDROPPING EVER! The couple was comprised of a young man and a young woman who clearly just met at a hostel and quickly determined they had zero in common and even less chemistry.
Highlights of the evening included the pan-fried dumplings, the street noodles with shrimp, and the “Wow, you totally remind me of my brother…”
VERDICT: 10/10 Clandestine Chinese Dumpling House: Come for the mystery, stay for the bao buns and the burning hot bro-zoning!
