WWFB: “What’s In a Name?” Edition
The scene: Atlanta — your first time! You’re putting in a ton of miles on your sneakers exploring the city, and now you’re ready for a break. You’re a sucker for a good Croque Madame, so when you spy one on the menu at a corner café that also serves cocktails, you step right inside.
In this episode we consider the age-old question “What’s in a name?” Specifically, the names “Croque Madame” and “Poutine.”
The following is a 100% accurate, non rosé-infused recounting of our experience at an Atlanta café that shall remain nameless because…well, read on and you’ll understand.
It all began with a tempting menu item: Croque Madame served with Poutine. We were in a festive mood…why not order French Canada on a Plate in the heart of the American south? WHY NOT, INDEED.
What came to our table was a wet ham sandwich completely devoid of eggs accompanied by a side of potatoes completely devoid of cheese curds and gravy.
I didn’t want to be That Lady but I couldn’t help but raise an eyebrow at the plate as our waiter set it down between us. I said, “Excuse me, Jeremy…but shouldn’t there be…” I trailed off as I gestured at the dish.
“AN EGG?” he cut in, nodding enthusiastically in agreement.
“Right!” I exclaimed. “Shouldn’t there be an egg?”
He said, completely straight-faced: “I KNOW!!! I asked about it but chef said, ‘This is how we serve them here.’”
*blink* *blink*
Jeremy kept going: “And I said, ‘Then we should call it a Croque Monsieur!’ But then chef said, ‘This. Is. How. We. Make. It.’ So…here you go, I guess?”
I said, as politely as…I don’t know…someone who wants a f*ing egg on my Croque Madame just the same as I would want my spicy fried chicken sandwich to contain spicy fried chicken as opposed to, I dunno, everything but the chicken? I mean…IT’S IN THE NAME! Granted it’s a metaphor but COME ON! (I was channeling my inner Gob Bluth at this point.)
Anyway, I said, “If it wouldn’t be too much trouble, would you ask chef to please add an egg?”
“No problem,” Jeremy replied, leaving our warmish ham sandwich on the table where it became visibly soggier and colder. Anyone who knows me know I like my hot food *hot* so this was almost as bad in my book as a Croque Madame sans egg, but I digress.
While Jeremy hid out in the kitchen, the manager (or a peculiarly concerned patron) moseyed over to the table and said, “I understand you were hoping for an egg on your Croque Madame.”
I glanced around for hidden cameras, thinking there were so many things I was hoping for out of this dining experience but an appearance on Punk’d (if that’s still a show and if that’s how it is/was punctuated) was not one of them.
Finding no film crew giggling on the sidelines, I simply replied, “Yes.”
The manager then said, “And so I told them, if that woman wants her Croque Madame to have an egg on it, we should give her that egg!”
Oh good, I thought. An ally. An ally who clearly thinks my name is Karen and I wanted to speak with the manager.
“Thanks, that’s awesome!” I offered in an effort to shut down the conversation.
Minutes later…like, *many* minutes later, Jeremy returned with a small plate containing two beautiful fried eggs, which he handed to me so that he would be blameless in the inevitable yolk-breaking that would occur as the eggs were transferred atop the sandwich.
On the plus side, the eggs carried some residual heat and warmed up the sandwich a scooch, but by then our attention had turned to the naked potatoes. We agreed that it would not be in our interest to point out that “we wanted” the menu item billed as “Poutine” to have the very toppings that transform the humble potato into poutine. We would just eat the potatoes as quickly as possible so we could get the hell out of the Twilight Zone Diner and get on with our day.
My husband joked, “I wonder if they’re gonna charge us separately for the eggs,” to which I confidently replied, “Oh god no, that would be ABSURD!” *cough* #famouslastwords *cough*
And with that I wish to draw your attention to the photo of our receipt…
VERDICT: 0/10 NEVER AGAIN! DEAD TO ME!